[Copied from my personal Instagram page]
Do you know anyone who suffers from debilitating depression or suicidal ideation? Spoiler alert: if you know me personally, that answer is yes.
If you asked me 15 years ago where I’d be at 30, my answer would be ‘dead by my own hand.’ If you asked me last year where I’d be right now, I’d likely have the same answer.
I realized how serious it was when I started listening to my thoughts and making plans to follow through. If you’ve ever had to help yourself when you’ve completely lost your will to live, then you’ll know I did myself the biggest favor I could have by seeking professional help.
It’s been... a wild year. In the spring, amid violent mood swings, hot flashes, and night sweats, I was diagnosed with FXPOI. that stands for “Fragile X-related premature ovarian insufficiency.” A whole mouthful just to say: your genes are slightly mutated and that caused you to go through menopause around age 27.
I am a Fragile X carrier. Fragile X Syndrome is caused by a mutation on the FMR1 gene. This gene rests on the x chromosome and a mutation can cause varying degrees of cognitive and intellectual disability, making it the most common-known cause of autism. I’m only a carrier, but if I were able to have children, my son would have a high risk of developing Fragile X Syndrome.
Again, if you know me personally, you know that I’ve never really wanted to be a mother. Being told at 28 that I’ll never be able to have kids is a period at the end of a sentence I’ve been writing since I was a child.
My scrambled point: life is too short. it’s too short to not be doing what you love surrounded by who you love. Too short to not be completely you, all the time. Being quiet/ashamed and keeping these stories to myself isn’t doing anyone any favors.
I discovered both gardening and woodworking in search of ways to release anxious energy and to wrench me out of depressive episodes. It turned into much, much more than that. Deep Seeded is a huge release and an outlet for me, and I hope you enjoy following along.
That is all 🙏🏻 thank you for reading.